By Light
by jackbeanstalk
Summary: "...a series of images flashed before my eyes in the kind of trance I had learnt to recognise as life altering. I saw a girl wearing a sleeveless white shirt, which made her near translucent skin seem paler still, bid farewell to her mother as she boarded a plane..." Twilight as it should have been written - APOV - Bellice, Bella/Alice, BellaxAlice
1. Chapter 1 - Preface

**Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction using characters and some quotes from the Twilight series which is owned by Stephanie Meyer -  
I am only borrowing them to use for my own entertainment (and hopefully yours)! Enjoy!**

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**PREFACE**

I had seen the terrible world in which she didn't exist and the pain nearly tore my stone body apart as if it were nothing more than a leaf in the wind. I saw it as clear as the day she came in to my life; tripping and blubbering with warmth radiating from her rich brown eyes. If the choices being made as I run to save her didn't change, if I with all my speed and strength couldn't get there in time, those eyes would become cold and unseeing. Worse still, there was the very real possibility, those same loving eyes would reflect the unrelenting hatred and vicious red of her murderer. Then it would be I who was left with no choice as I would gladly follow her to hell.

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**A/N: I wrote this story a long time ago (back in 2009) and just kept it to myself. I wanted to give gay people a book they could connect with and get just as hyped up about. I'm looking for Betas so please PM me if interested. Thank you.**


	2. Chapter 2 - First Sight

**FIRST SIGHT**

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As I arranged the clothes in the my vast wardrobe by exactly where the dominant colour featured on the pantone numbered colour chart, my mind sifted through the images that flashed before my eyes, deciding what was of any relevance and what wasn't. In some sense, all the images I saw were relevant; they were all choices, small and large that could potentially lead to greatness or disappointment. I saw Jasper surprise charlotte with a trip to Paris for their anniversary and likewise, I determined that charlotte knew all along. I saw an old man decide to pick up a penny from the ground that would lead to Carlisle saving his life in emergency after being hit by a car. I saw the finished result of my rainbow wardrobe and determined it was worth the effort now. I didn't always see the choice that lead to the result or why even the choice was significant. As clearly as any one of these images came to me another was close on its trail. Choices are made by humans and vampires alike, without conscience thought as to how they shape our lives and ourselves. The process continues until we die or, more accurately, as long as we live.

The knock on the door pulled me away from my self-reflection and organization. Happy to have company for the moment I walked toward the door. I needn't have worried about moving, as Charlotte having "heard" my content at the interruption walked into my room.

"I knew he would take me to Paris eventually. I've only been waiting fifty years!"

_So you were listening then_, I thought.

She shrugged. "I was making my way to your room for clothing instructions" she said, knowing this would appease any anguish. She was right; not that I would complain anyway - we freaks had to stick together. At that, I saw my sister as she sprinted for the car as we departed for school that day, wearing a pair of skinny jeans, striped cashmere top, black tuxedo style jacket and knee high boots, topped off with a chunky chain necklace, grey silk scarf and her red Birkin in hand.

"Thanks" she replied as she silently departed the room and headed for the bathroom.

_Lotti, as much as you would like to sing every song on Beyoncé's album in the shower, skip the last three if you don't want to be chasing the car _all_ the way to school!_

Laughter filled the air as I continued to sort out my wardrobe and, knowing that charlotte was completely focused on translating _Irreplaceable_ to German ("Da links, da links, Pack alles, was dir gehört, in den Karton da links"), I also started sorting out the images in my head. It was when I touched my Chanel Navy overcoat that a series of images flashed before my eyes in the kind of trance I had learnt to recognise as life altering. I saw a girl wearing a sleeveless white shirt, which made her near translucent skin seem paler still, bid farewell to her mother as she boarded a plane -her destination unclear. The same girl -blurred at the edges -sitting in a police car, walking into a small bedroom with a purple duvet, standing by an old, red truck and waiting inside the high school office. I could easily discern that this meant that Forks High was to have a new addition to the student body. I could also easily guess that the reason behind this vision was because she would undoubtedly have some impact on our family, but long ago I had decided that "guess work" would only lead to mental torment and that calculated theories was the only way to translate the myriad of information I received.

I tried to focus on the girl but found that I could not string her actions together continuously. There were moments missing in between like a radio signal losing and gaining strength. I realised then that it wasn't her choices I was observing but the choices of those around her. Her mother allowing her to leave, her father resolving to make her feel as comfortable as he could, a man finally letting go of the car he could not drive and the office lady deciding that she would take another sip of coffee before acknowledging the person before her. There was something about the way the girl looked up in that last vision, her warm chocolate eyes searching the woman's face for any signs of comfort, l that made me feel as though I had met her before - or that maybe, the impact she was going to have, was on me.


	3. Chapter 3 - Visions

**VISIONS**

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Knowing that life isn't infinite molds the way that human's make choices; all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure should be insignificant compared to leading the life they get to choose. But how do you fill the days when death isn't hanging over your shoulder as a constant encouragement to endure it while you can? What if you didn't have a choice?

I was completely caught up in my earlier vision of the ghost girl, when Jasper, having caught the tenor of my mood interrupted my thoughts.

"Why are you so nervous?" he asked calmly, with just a hint of his southern accent.

"Nervous? Is that how I am feeling?" I laughed lightly and continued to skip outside to the idling car. Jasper recognized that I didn't answer his question but was too much of a gentleman to push me into a confession. Truth be told I had no idea as to why I might feel nervous of all things considering we were once again on our way to High School – a task I had completed too many times to count. The only upside to our attendance at Forks High School, besides the guise it provided to mask our lack of humanity, was that we were yet to collect yellow graduation caps.

Charlotte was the last to run to the silver car, with an elegant leap that any gymnastic would be jealous of, she jumped into the backseat through the window like water being poured into a glass.

"Because opening the door was so incredibly hard?" grunted Rosalie as she flicked her blonde locks to the opposite shoulder from where Lotti sat. Charlotte simply smiled and turned to face the window as Emmett held up a piece of paper torn from his notebook, a large "9" scribbled across it.

"I deducted a point because you didn't flip _before_ gliding through the window!" He bellowed. Lotti was once what you would have called a wallflower, happy to go unnoticed except in the stacks of a library, where the musty smells and quiet were her home. She struggled the most with the attention her immortality provided during the day but at home she indulged her ability to retain information, spending most nights learning new languages or mastering sciences not even discovered by man.

Rosalie and Lotti discussed the possibilities of vampirism on athletes as the short drive into Forks sped past us. Jasper gave me a few odd glances now and then as Emmett made plans for a wrestling re-match that evening between the two. I was glad to be driving so no one was wary of my lack of chipper involvement.

"I wouldn't be so sure of that" Lotti whispered into my ear, learning forward so close so the others wouldn't hear. She then pecked my cheek and leaned back before the others clued in.

_I just can't shrug off a vision I had earlier today. It is something I haven't encountered before. It's like there's a block, _I thought in response as I played my vision back for her. I knew she would have witnessed some of it this morning but my concern had her looking at it with fresh eyes. I quick flick of my eyes to the rear vision mirror and I could so the look of deep thought on Charlotte's face, one that told me no more information was necessary. Charlotte, the oldest among us, was the most like Carlisle, our father for all intents and purposes. She would be now be analysing every possible angle of the vision and determining its possible outcome. I could trust that she would quietly contemplate its significance until I told the rest of the family, always aware that her ability to read other people's thoughts meant she was privy to all kinds of information others would rather she wasn't.

I pulled into the car park and headed directly for the same space we always occupied. I think that people were afraid to park here as if there was some unspoken law not to interfere with anything to do with the mysterious Cullen family. Lotti stopped her exit of the Volvo and frowned as the thoughts of hundreds of students hit her at once.

"You could have mentioned the girl's arrival was today!" She said as she straightened up, punctuating the sentence with slamming the car door. Everyone else looked to me, waiting for an explanation.

"I didn't know. Like I told you, it's like the girl is blocked" I replied exacerbated, forgetting momentarily that I was as yet to inform the others of my vision.

"You didn't know something?" Emmett taunted gleefully at the same time Rosalie asked "What girl?"

"Forks High has a new student transferring today. I didn't see her coming and I can't see her now"

"That's why you were nervous earlier?" Jasper whispered as he sent a few calming waves my way. Eye contact was all he needed for both my confirmation and my thanks. We all stood by the car watching Charlotte as she shifted through the minds of those that had seen her and waited for her directions.

"Charlotte will just read the new girl and find out if she poses a threat to our existence here then we can act accordingly" said Rosalie firmly, both to assert her own authority and to clearly state to the others, without having said a word, what her viewpoint was on anyone posing any threat to our family. With that, we turned and walked in to the school, each of us a bit wearier than on any normal day. To the outside observer the whole encounter only took 7 seconds and was nothing more than us getting our bearings before glumly facing the next few hours of purgatory.


	4. Chapter 4 - Scent of Senses

**SCENT OF SENSES**

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We were attempting to see how long Jasper could go before hunting and he was struggling. I could see a small girl headed our way and I was immediately struck with the vision of Jasper with his mouth at her throat, the look of horror never having time to settle on her face. It quickly disappeared as Lotti kicked his chair and the two shared an intimate moment of shame, understanding, forgiveness and love.

"You weren't going to do anything," I murmured, soothing his chagrin. "I could see that." What I _could_ see was him understanding my sudden nervousness a moment earlier being a by-product of the day and believing the lie I told him.

Lotti grimaced over my shoulder and planned to thank me later, which of course I received the moment she decided to do it. "It helps if you think of them as people," she suggested and continued to tell Jasper insignificant facts about the girl.  
"I know who she is," Jasper replied curtly. He turned away to stare out one of the small windows, his tone ending the conversation.

I saw us hunting that night, feeling venom swell in my mouth as I experienced second-hand the satisfaction of my meal. I looked down at my prop of food in front of me to distract me from the inhumane desires within. Jasper and Charlotte began having one of their silent conversations as I looked on with jealousy, longing for the second half of me I hoped was out there somewhere. It was then, as I looked beyond the world's most perfect couple, that my eyes locked for just a moment with a pair of wide, chocolate-brown eyes set in a pale heart-shaped face - a face that even though I had never met, I seemed to already know so well. It..._she_ had been at the foremost of my mind today - Isabella Swan. She gave me a small, startled smile then quickly turned her head back toward the table, becoming engrossed in her food and letting her hair fall forward to block my view.

Charlotte had discovered Bella, as she preferred to be called, was the daughter of the town's chief of police, brought to live here by some new custody agreement. I observed while she interacted with the people around her, asking inane questions about her life. She sat with her body tall like she was strong and confident trying to acknowledge everyone as she spoke but her head hung just that bit lower to indicate that she would prefer to be anywhere than where people could stare at her. I found that I was so distracted by her presence it actually startled me when Lotti spoke up.

"Jessica Stanley is hanging our scandalous laundry out to dry" She murmured. Emmett chuckled under his breath as the others glanced over to the new girl's table.

"What does the new girl think as she learns of the biggest scandal in this small town?" Rosalie almost demanded.

Again my gaze locked on hers and, although a part of my mind registered Charlotte's response, the conscious part of me was mesmerized by her red stained cheeks, the fascination that was clearly written across her face and then the surprise as her eyes finally rested on mine. What I could not have foretold, was how her cheeks went redder still as she noticed that I was studying her as intently as she was studying me. I closed my eyes and tried to force a premonition I knew already wouldn't come. I caught glimpses of her as Mike chose to approach her in class and as her father arrived home from work but nothing of her choosing and nothing that would explain who she was to our family and to me.

"Which one is the girl with the black spiky hair?" I heard her ask

"That's Alice. She's gorgeous, sure, but always too happy for my liking. It's weird. They all are. Don't waste your time" As she spoke the words I felt a strange impulse to defend myself and my family. It was odd; as odd as my nerves were this morning. Sometimes when I had to face the horrors of human and vampire kind, I willed away the curse of foresight, but now, staring at Bella Swan attempting to be subtle about her interest in me, I had never wanted to see someone's future more.

"Shall We?" Rosalie murmured, interrupting my focus.

I looked away from the girl with a sense of relief, an ache forming in my head. I didn't want to continue to fail at this. I was Alice; omniscient and eternally happy. I started to think about my choices for the first time in my long forever – sometimes I truly wondered if I had them due to this gift of mine. This time, unaided by what I could see happening, I could choose to take interest in the girl simply because I couldn't have a vision of her or I could let this wonder lie.

We got up from the table and walked out of the cafeteria and, as we did so, I pushed in the chair that Bella, nervous and clumsy as she was, would have tripped over otherwise. Not exactly the best introduction to the student body – I told myself. Then I realized that, when it comes to Bella Swan, perhaps I didn't have a choice after all.

I headed off for my junior level Art class, expertly dodging past the tidal wave of students as they hurried to their class. As I skipped, I decided on my own trip to Paris for fashion week - having already seen the collections - it would be worth it! I settled into my seat, the first one there and began to sketch some of the design to suits my tastes. By the time I looked up again the classroom was near full, students surrounding me chatting about the inconsequential details of "who likes who" at the moment. I was already able to determine who actually did like who, but more importantly, who among them had the courage to do anything about it. Angela weber, who incidentally would end up with the person she liked, walked into the room with Bella on her arms. Miss Wick's quick acknowledgement of her instigated the vision of us sharing my desk so I began to organize my books closer to the window.

As soon as she took her first step, the visions began to hit, one after the other like a machine gun with limitless ammunition. The screams, the pain and the large splatter of blood intensified with every step she took toward me. All this happened before the smell even hit my nose, and when it did, there were no words or images that could possible translate the overwhelming need I had to drain every drop of blood that pulsated around her body. Even as that thought crossed my mind, the vision of it hit again, more powerful because of the scent that surrounded me. Future and present fought to dominate my consciousness so much so that I was beginning to lose sense of what was real. Had I already slaughtered every child in this room to silence their screams or was that what I wanted to do? Had I already felt the sensation of warm human blood, something I had barely been tempted by in over 65 years, or is that what I would do?

For just a moment I remembered Charlotte's earlier words about thinking of them as people with lives and dreams and I just didn't care. I was a vampire, and she had the sweetest blood I'd smelled since my transformation in 1920. In the twenty-eight years it took me to find Jasper, I had struggled with my attempt to drink only animal blood but, like a child without guidance, I had consumed those who crossed my path at times of weakness. Now was not a good time for Bella Swan to cross my path.

Fire began to burn me from the inside out, leaving my throat scorched and raw with only fresh venom for water. I felt as if my heart had started once more, only to urge me toward Bella's death beat by beat. I was screaming inside my head in tune with screams from my visions and I knew that all I had to do to make everything stop was take her as my prey.

My visions went eerily blank for one twentieth of a second, as the vision of how it would all end solidified. It seem to play in slow motion. My movements were quick and soundless as I moved throughout the room, snapping the necks of children section by section, like a choreographed dance. The teacher would be the only one to understand the horror that awaited her, and Bella of course. My teeth would be around her neck before she even had time to scream or feel pain; perhaps years from now I could take solace in that. Not that I could know for sure. Her choices were blind to me and therefore posed a threat to my plan. What I did see, stronger than everything else, was a moment of absolute pure happiness, spreading across my face. Even through the horror, I awed at the beauty of watching the life drain from those chocolate brown eyes. Bella chose that moment to look at me as I sat and envisioned her death, and it was not bliss or beauty that looked back. Terror and confusion twisted itself on her face; emotions so potent and yet, stupidly, courage made her hold my eyes in hers.

She walked more quickly now, moving around the tables that were set out in bunches to 'inspire creativity'. Her haste made her clumsy – she tripped and stumbled forward, almost falling over Lauren Mallory, a popular blonde girl, interrupting her sketch. Bella didn't notice. She was obviously trying to work out why I must be looking like…what? I was in pain? I was angry? I wanted to hurt her? I tried to hold her eyes again, to see the terror that could possible hold me in my place, reminding me of who I didn't want to be. My arms immediately wrapped around the underneath of the chair in some vain hope of accomplishing what her face of revulsion should but couldn't do. The chair started to disintegrate – hard to cover up when it's made of plastic and metal. The darker side of me found it hard to even try to hold back when it had already been granted permission by my curse of foresight.

As Bella reached her destination and handed Miss Wick a piece of paper to sign, I zeroed in on it just as something to channel reality through when I glimpsed something, so briefly, I didn't believe it happened. That paper would end up in the school office this afternoon, unblemished and clearly signed by the gym teacher from last period. I couldn't see Bella but this would mean there was a chance she would see the end of the day.

For one short second, before the other visions returned, I was able to think clearly. I was able to think about choices. At the end of anyone's story, it doesn't matter how hard a choice was to make or what the alternatives were - they are never remembered or even known. All that matters is that a fork in the road was made and one side was travelled and the other was left unwandered. I had options, no matter how hard they were to decipher, which would eventually prove who I was beyond my abilities. They didn't control me.

Bella Swan sat down in the chair next to me and it took all my supernatural strength to focus on the small action of a piece of paper being handed across a desk. I repeated it over and over like a glitch on an old record player as leaned as far away from her as a possibly could. Why did she have to come here? Why did she even have to exist? I wanted to hate her, to scream at her to leave and never come back. I wanted her to stay so that I might I get to taste her. I wanted to not be the one burdened with visions and I wanted to not have to make this choice now. I wouldn't! She couldn't make me! I had never felt more like a nineteen year old girl. I had never felt more like a monster.

I knew now that if I could just bare to open my mouth then I could ask to leave but her scent would only hit me stronger. I had stopped breathing the moment she sat down next to me and the swing of hair forced that delicious smell toward me. The vision of the slaughtered continued to wrestle its way through the breaks in my record player (paper in hand…signed…end of day) and I struggled to hold it back – struggled to hold onto my resolve. Bella turned ever so slightly in the direction of the door and I wondered if her survival instincts were telling her something she didn't completely understand. I watched as my actions and the overwhelming emotions of the day took a hold of her feeble form and she slumped forward, still keeping her hair between us. She picked up a pencil and began to sketch that week's assignment: Desire. How Ironic!

"It helps if you think of them as people" Lotti's memory reminded me once more. The thought occurred to me to look for the futures of those around me, to see if this torment was worth something. With a powerful relief, one by one, the teenagers crossed the threshold of their homes. Unfortunately the disruption to my focus on the paper meant more horrific visions fought their way to the surface. I might make it through this lesson but that wouldn't stop my want to go after her later. There I was taking Bella to the woods interchanging rapidly with me knocking on her door, light outside still. There was even one of me crawling through her window, dark outside. I knew that these plans would all be successful in me quenching my thirst simply because I _didn't_ know. There were no outside choices to monitor, no one who would see.

I willed away the hour by journeying through the lives of those around me, reinforcing my determination not to end their stories today. I could see it now. The bell ringing – our saviour. It took until five minutes beforehand but I saw it. I glided out of the classroom a little too gracefully but content that everyone's focus would still be on Bella. I ran to the car, wanting more than ever to be able to cry, only to be met by the stoic and shocked faces of each of my family lined up below the windows of the classroom I had just occupied.

_Did you hear everything? _I asked feebly, my head hanging in shame. I knew Charlotte had just as I knew the conversation that was awaiting me at home. I could see the surprise in Carlisle's face, the empathy in Esme's, the fury in Rose's and even my own shame reflected in Jasper's. And so I ran. I ran as fast as my legs could take me. I didn't know where I was running to. I didn't know if I was going to wait in the woods outside the Swan's house or if I was leaving this pain behind. I heard the others follow me as far as the state border, knowing that they would wait there to see if I would return to kill the girl. When I saw one last time, that piece of paper cross the desk of the school office and the receptionist take note of Bella's exhausted sigh, I knew that I would make the right choice.


	5. Chapter 5 - Story Books

**A/N: If you read the earlier chapters, I have changed the class the girls share to Art class. I feel that biology didn't leave me much room to be creative and I remember a lot of in-depth discussions in my classes back in the day - probably due to the somewhat laid back nature that art inspired. From here, I will begin to move slowly away from the original story a bit more but keeping in mind that this story is supposed to be Twilight as if it was always written this way. **

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns everything**

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**STORY BOOKS**

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I balanced on the branch on the tips of my toes, swinging forward as much as my short arms would let me then falling the other way. The snow, gentle underfoot, didn't even acknowledge my presence as I rocked back and forth. Swaying like this was habit I formed while living in the woods surrounding Philadelphia, waiting for the day I would find Jasper. There was time that I thought we could be together until I made the decision to try. The vision I had immediately after told me that Jasper, ever the gentleman, would kindly reject my advances reminding me that he could feel exactly how I felt – even if I didn't know it yet.

To pass time, I watched vision after vision of my family, wishing I could be with them now. I couldn't stop the flow of scenes even if I wanted to, but seeing their sad faces made me feel guilty for not being stronger. The wilderness surrounding Grand Forks, North Dakota stretched before me, egging me to jump down from the tree and run home to open arms, but I feared that I would be racing to doom them all. I jumped down from the tree just as a deer reached the trunk then flipped over the top of her before she could run in the opposite direction. I silently thanked the creature before feasting, wishing I could drink away the longing for something more substantial.

"There's the Cheshi, I know and love," Émilie said before jumping down from another tree, only to be dismayed to find me sinking into the snow immediately after. The smile that had earned me my nickname – The Cheshire Cat, all-knowing, always smiling and not human (unlike Alice) – had already faded. "Or not," She finished.  
"Pardon ma Cherie. I'm being terribly rude. I rarely see you and here I am wasting time moping."  
"I know I needn't say it but you know you can talk to me about anything?"  
"Of course," I assured her. As I looked up into her eyes for the first time since she sat beside me. Having her near me, seeing those red eyes staring back instead of gold, I knew that I couldn't hide away here forever. I was close to Émilie, a friend I had met at the The Institut Francais de la Mode back in 1986, but she could not fill the void of family. I missed them and six days of solitude was surely enough self-inflicted punishment. Right on cue I saw myself walking through the front door to Esme's joyous cries.

"Have you ever smelt blood so tempting that nothing else matters?" I asked hesitantly as I wrapped my arms around my legs, curling defensively. I knew the question would lead her to the correct assumptions but my lack of personal details would prevent her from pressing for more information.

"Not for some time, it all smells lusciously the same, but there was a woman once where the lust for blood overpowered any reason I possessed. I was on my way home from an amazing night at Privilege in Ibiza. I could smell the sunrise and knew that I would have to move quickly before it was more than just the water that sparkled. I began to hail a cab for safety's sake when the warm summer breeze carried a smell that left my eyes as black as the sky above. I have never moved so fast toward the bouquet of blood, tears and freshly cut flowers. When I found her, regardless of the state I was in, I remember that her beauty matched the temptation of her blood, enough to stop me short. Her Auburn hair hung in braids around her blushed cheeks, her hands were ripping apart flowers and scattering them around her like confetti as the salt from her tears intensified the fragrance of her skin. It lasted a second and it has stayed with me every second since."

Upon hearing those words I felt the burden of immortality over power me – was there really no hope?  
"You could always join me if this need is reason enough to make you frown…" She turned to me and gave a short, curt smile then stared out toward the trees leaving me to absorb her words. There was a time I probably would have followed Émilie anywhere and she knew it. Her talent, passion and creativity shone from her brighter than our skin in the sun. After our years at the institute, we danced our way across Europe and eventually the U.S. - staying out all night and sleeping all day meant she stayed oblivious to what I was. You would think that if you died from a drug overdose, Carlisle barely finding her in time, you might slow down your partying ways in the afterlife. Unfortunately, addiction to finding the greatest high was only intensified and there was no greater high than feeding on human blood. She barely tried our lifestyle before I woke one morning to glitter on the floor and a note saying she'd gone dancing – she hasn't stopped since.

We sat there for some time, neither one of us feeling any inclination to talk or to move. It wasn't often that either one of us sat still, another trait that had earned my nickname, and Émilie acknowledged that whatever I was struggling with was big enough to make me do so. We watched as the sun set behind the trees and splashed beautiful shades of apricot and dusty pink across the sky.

"We're on the wrong side of that sunset, Chesi" She reflected before finally standing, turning to offer me a hand she knew I didn't need.  
"Yes, I'm going to go home," I answered before she could ask, "I can't hide out here forever."  
"Is that what you are doing? Hiding? What has got you, an omniscient vampire, so scared?"  
"Nothing of importance" I replied, guilt from my lie swirling in mind. What was Bella to me really? She was just another human, like all the rest; so wrapped up in what they can take from the world they are oblivious to their real place in it. Emilie was right – what did I have to fear from one insignificant girl? With that thought on my mind I turned to her, gave her the smile she had longed to see, and began to move so quickly you would have missed it with human eyes.

"I'll give your regards to Broadway," she said as she started to run toward the city that never sleeps.

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"For the last time, I have no idea when or from where she's going to walk in," I replied exacerbated.  
"Well we're sitting in our normal spot. No human is going to dictate where I can or cannot sit," Rosalie continued with an annoyed look on her face that still did not make her look anything less than exceptional.  
"Of course we'll sit in our regular spot. We can't go causing too much excitement among the humans or they'll all die from heart attacks and it won't matter what I do" I said with a smile on my face to disguise my irritation. The others were beginning to wonder whether the old Alice would resurface so I was attempting to ease their concerns. Jasper turned away from me, looking even more pessimistic, unable to be fooled and the others took cues from him. It didn't help that I had no interest in our earlier snowball fight, something that I would once have gladly participated in until they were all dripping with ice.

"Honestly, it's going to be ok!" I tried once more. I had no hope of convincing them when I didn't even trust myself. I had been searching my future every few seconds and carefully considering every choice I made that my siblings had given up trying to get full conversations out of me. Emmett was sitting too stiff to pass as human as he scanned the room, Jasper was trying not to let my emotions bother him and Lotti was trying to find Bella in the minds of others. It was so irritating that my problem had infected them all and I suddenly felt sympathy for Jasper, remembering all the times we'd hovered protectively over him. I knew something had to be done to make everyone relax and the snowball in my hand – my stress ball so to speak – would be the perfect opportunity.

As every second ticked by and I waited for Lotti to announce Bella's arrival, I felt as though every part of my being was on amber alert. I was aware of the disgusting smells of human food I usually attempted to ignore, focusing on any scent that wasn't hers. I was perfectly aware of the dust in the air and how it settled on my skin only to be stirred back in to the atmosphere every time I forced my chest up and down. I could hear someone on the other side of the room kicking their chair in an untimely rhythm with the grinding of their teeth and the cafeteria workers scraping the bottom of the serving dishes with every new customer.

I focused further still on the people in the room, almost like seeing them for the first time. Of all our family, I was the most likely to interact with the students at school; Émilie my one example. I was expecting a little more chatter about our family, what with my absence and the incident in Art class, but no one paid us any more attention than normal. Her name was dropped absently by a few groups here and there – most of them wondering who she was and what was going on between her and Mike Newton. This piqued my interest just as I wondered why it should. I didn't like how people automatically assigned her to him, as if she had no choice. However, I still didn't find this as interesting as the fact that to she hadn't told anyone that would listen about the murderous tendencies of one of the weird Cullen sisters. Surely I had more impact than that, enough to ask someone if it was normal behavior. Bella must be exceptionally shy, if she confided in no one.

"Anything new?" Jasper asked Lotti, as if he had been the mind reader.  
"Nothing out of the norm" She replied without glancing his way.  
All of them turned their heads quickly to Lotti and then slowly back to me.  
"Maybe you're not as scary as you think you are little pixie," Emmett chuckled. "I bet I could have frightened her better than that."  
Emmett, knowing that taking any bets against me was a pointless exercise, must have really been trying to stir any kind of emotion out of me. I rolled my eyes as I thought in unison with his question "I wonder why…?"  
"Well none of us are going to be any help in solving that one," Lotti exclaimed, "as I can read her mind about as much as you can see her future… seeing as she is just about to enter and I can hear nothing of her thoughts"

I'm not sure what I was more shocked at –that she was deaf to Bella's mental musings or that Bella was about to walk in.

"Just act human, please?" I pleaded as they had all gone as still as I had at Charlotte's announcement.  
"Human, huh?" Emmett mischievously grunted as his right fist began to lift to reveal the snowball he'd saved in his palm. He had his eyes on Jasper as he said it but of course I could see his intended prey. When he hurled the ice chunk my way, I flicked it away with a casual wave of my hand. The ice rebounding in the direction of a particularly rowdy bunch of school jocks, too fast to be visible to human eyes, and shattered with a sharp crack against the brick wall.  
"Ha-ha, you missed!" was bellowed to no one in particular as the boys promised to find out whoever did it, looking no further than the tables surrounding them.

I tried to pay attention as Rosalie and Emmett bickered playfully about what it actually meant to 'act human' but all my focus was pulled toward the line of babbling students standing in front of the constant scraping of serving spoons against steel.

"Hello? Earth to Bella?" Jessica Stanley's voice cut my focus until I was almost tempted to look up. She didn't respond and I was worried that something had happened when Mike asked "What's with Bella?"  
"Nothing," she answered. "I just feel a little sick" I couldn't help but finally glance her way just to see if she did appear to be ill, not that I should particularly care either way. I noticed her cheeks were once again flushed with pink and I quickly stopped breathing much to the amusement of Emmett.  
"You're the one that looks like they're sick!" he said having obviously heard Bella as well. I foresaw Mike deciding to tempt Bella's attention away from the Cullen family and decided now was time for my own act of humanity. I tossed my stress ball straight into Emmett's unsuspecting face.  
"Who looks sick now?" I giggled. He blinked a few times to shake the ice from his lashes before leaning towards me.  
"You asked for it," he said as he shook his head like a dog, the snow flying from his hair and covering my well-selected clothes.

"Ew!" Rose complained and we both recoiled from further mess. I laughed, and as everyone took cues from me, I knew that Bella had witnessed the perfect family moment – hopefully squashing any concerns she might have about us

"Bella, what are you staring at? Jessica intruded sharply. Before I could even stop myself my head turned toward their table and once again, I locked eyes with Bella just as she turned to address Jessica.  
"Alice is back" Bella replied slowly, obviously trying to think of something else to describe but fell short.  
"Oh, was she gone? I didn't realize you were friends." She sneered in return.  
Suddenly shy, her cheeks turning pink, Bella stuttered her reply "We're not," and turned her body to ask Mike Newton about the snow fight he had proposed.

It suddenly dawned on me that Bella and I were not in fact friends and yet my entire life had become about her. Even now, I noticed every shift in her body and her deliberate attempts to not look this way. For the rest of the period, I made an innumerable amount of decisions and monitored their outcomes, hoping that I wouldn't be a danger to anyone. At the end of the hour, I was sure that I could handle going to class. I raised out of my chair and took my tray of untouched food to the rubbish bin, watching it tumble into the abyss so I wouldn't look toward Bella's exit from the room. Upon my return I was interrupted by Jasper blocking my path and I could see the hard conversation he wanted to have. I responded with the depth of my determination and strength and so he only nodded before taking Charlotte's hand and exiting the cafeteria. Lotti looked back over her shoulder just as they reached the huge swinging doors and whispered "Good luck. You're going to need it for the first time ever!"

* * *

I will never consider having to live a single day at high school boring again – try living it 100 times. I scanned the future one more time before holding my breath and walking into the classroom.

There's something about walking into an art studio that immediately makes you feel like anything is possible. There she was, sitting at our desk, already hunched as small as she possibly could. Her hair disguised her 'desire' drawing, which I wanted to see more than anything I pretended to want. Perhaps it would give me some insight into who she was and why my every thought was now consumed by her. I was so excited to see it that I skipped quickly through the room only to be chastised by Miss Wick. My reprimand caught Bella's attention but she did not look in my direction, somehow managing to pull herself in tighter and further from my chair. I was struck with how terribly sorry I felt for what I had done to this girl and realized that just as she had become my life, I had also made a big impression on hers.


	6. Chapter 6 - Story Books (cont'd)

**Story Books (Continued)**

* * *

I never would have thought that so few words would result in the absolute disaster that it did. Having really seen for the first time what Bella was struggling with I wanted nothing more than to take some of that anguish away – perhaps by making a good impression. I pulled my chair out and sat down, removing my sketch book but deliberately leaving my pencils behind.  
"Hello," I said in a calming voice, with just a hint of a smile so that my conversation wouldn't be interpreted as hostile.  
She slowly raised her head, her eyes questioning as she scanned the rest of the near vicinity making sure I was directing my greeting at her. I took advantage of her distraction to inhale. If my body could have demonstrated the feeling of her scent in the air, it would have been nothing more than charcoal. I swallowed the venom that had risen and plastered the smile back on my face before she answered, as if my body hadn't burned just a moment before.  
"Um, Hello?" she replied, the response sounding more like a question than a statement. I don't remember what it was like to be a teenage girl in school, but I know that this generation struggles for acceptance to avoid merciless bullying. It was quite possible that she believed that my contrasting behaviour now was a part of a bigger scheme.  
"I'm Alice Cullen and you're Bella Swan." I said cheerily. I might not be able to make any prediction about this girl but at least I could assert that I knew her name.  
"Uh…yeah…I am. It's nice to meet you." She said as she uncoiled from her position, not quite completely open but enough that she didn't seem as timid or rude. A look of total confusion spread across Bella's face but, in the manner that I had come to expect of her, she squared her shoulders confidently, ready to face whatever it was I had planned. It was clear that she was not used to people wanting to get to know her or paying her much attention. It was also clear that she was _brave_.  
I was stumped as to what to say next. I could easily list a thousand questions or comments that were appropriate in this situation, even a little flattery to warm up the conversation, but none of them were what I wanted to say. I wanted to know why I couldn't see her, to come straight out and ask - not waste time with what humans deemed to be proper pleasantries. I wanted to know why her blood smelled so good and what would make her leave forks and never return. There was a part of me, which I tried to ignore, that just wanted to know _her_.  
"Well, now that that's out of the way, I was hoping that it wouldn't be too much of an inconvenience to share your pencils today? I seem to have left mine at home." It was the best I could do, and gave me an excuse to keep the conversation going throughout the class.  
"Sure. They're not very good. I prefer working with soft pastels." She replied as she pushed the tin of Derwent Watercolours between us. At the end of her sentence she relaxed her shoulders slightly and a smile played at the corner of her lips, the mere mention of soft pastels triggering some happy memory.  
I was about to ask her about it when the teacher interrupted us.  
"Class, today we will be continuing with our 'desire' assignment which will be due at the end of the week but first we will be completing a small exercise. What you have created this past week is extremely personal. Then again, all Art is and yet it is constantly on display for both compliments and criticism. This is why you will be turning to the person next to you and discussing your piece with them. I would like you to include a small text on what advice you received and how this affected the end result when you submit your work. Begin."  
I turned to Bella, realising that this hour was about to get a lot more interesting and hoping that some of the answers I wanted might be on the page in front of her. The class all started talking at once, most of them discussing what they did last weekend or what they intended to do with the next, relishing the chance to talk in class. It sounded as if there was going to be a big party at Mike Newton's house, -I wondered if Bella would go. I watched as she scanned the rest of the class, trying to look anywhere but at me.  
"After you! After all, you're practically a guest. You don't truly belong in Forks until you have nothing to wear because your clothes are all wet." I giggled, knowing that would never happen to me as I reflected on my perfect colour-coded wardrobe.  
Bella looked at me wide-eyed, her skin losing what little colour she had left and began squeezing the edges of her sketch book until her knuckles went white. I imagined her trying to squeeze the graphite from the pages and make the drawing disappear in her desperation not to show me.  
Remembering that I was trying to make a good impression I thought I would save her from her suffering.  
"Or I could?" I offered. She nodded softly, then lowered her head only to shake it from side to side in the same way. What does that mean? Being a vampire made you hyper aware of the physical signs of a person's mental state, but Bella left me baffled.  
When she looked up again her white face was flushed with fresh red, so I quickly blocked my view with my sketch book, flipping the pages to find my picture. I came across something random I had drawn during the night, one of my visions I couldn't quite work out, and decided that it would have to do. The drawing was mostly of the sky, with tall pine trees creating a border around the outside, leaning toward the centre. A hand, drawn in perfect detail, stretched from the bottom of the page upwards, reaching for the sky while another one, blurred at the edges looked as if it was trying to grab the other. The colours of the hands and trees were muted, probably because it was set at twilight, while the sky was a brilliant wash of pinks and purples.  
"That is amazing! You drew that? Of course you did. Sorry. I didn't mean to imply you didn't, it's just so detailed. What does it mean to you?" She said all this so quickly that I'm sure a human wouldn't have been able to decipher it and now she sat there staring at me with complete wonder on her face. Her curiosity was genuine, so much so that I didn't want to lie to her.  
"To be honest, I don't know. I've been trying to work it out all day." I found it more difficult than I would have guessed to admit I didn't _know_ something.  
She hesitated. "I think that it says you desire someone, or perhaps even desire itself. You haven't let yourself be loved so you're not really there with them," She said as she indicated the blurred hand, deep in concentration, "or perhaps it's the other person who has to make the choice to be loved."  
As she looked up at me and I gazed back at her, I was shocked at just how accurate her observations were. The blurred edges in visions always suggested that someone was still to make a choice. Slightly speechless, both due to her comments and the fact that I was out of air, I just smiled and nodded.  
"Perhaps if you just added some shading here-" she began to say as she instinctively reached for the pencils that were between us. The back of her hand brushed against my arm and as she did so, tingles from her heat began to spread across my skin like electricity. She drew her hand back quickly and we shivered simultaneously – her probably due to the temperature of my skin. I turned away toward the window for a moment to disguise my shock. What was that? I took the opportunity to take in a gulp of air, refraining from breathing through my nose, before turning back towards her - a fake smile plastered on my face.  
"Is it just me or is it cold in here?" I asked quickly while rubbing my hands together, hoping to diffuse any misgivings she might have about my lack of warmth.  
"Not just in here." She paused,"I'm not a big fan of the cold…or the wet."  
"Oh." I replied stupidly, a little disappointed. I guess she won't be a big fan of me then, not that I should care.  
"It's actually what my piece is about," She continued, shifting nervously before turning her sketch book around so that I could finally see it, "I long to feel warm again, to see yellows and warm browns, to be able to feel the sun on my face and that smell of summer in the air."  
The drawing was spectacular and I had a similar response in wondering whether or not she created it. Bella seemed like someone who was traditional and therefore preferred things to be as humble as she, but her Edvard Munch inspired piece told a different story. You couldn't see where the sky ended and the ground began, it was all a giant swell of warm colours that invited you in. There were elements of what I could recognise was the Phoenix skyline but also the red truck I saw from my vision. Scattered among the drawing were photo-frames with memories inside and small personal objects, like a knitting needles and books. I knew that Bella wouldn't have made a single stroke of her pencil without there being a reason behind it and I wanted to know everything I could. I searched the piece, trying to find the one thing that would give me the most insight, when I noticed that she pressed her pencil harder when sketching anything to do with Phoenix.  
"Why did you come here?" I asked, forgetting that she had missed my entire train of thought that provoked the accusatory question. She didn't miss a beat, almost as if her mind had been there as well.  
"It's…complicated."  
She blinked her wide eyes losing focus for a moment before bowing her head, the red returning to her cheeks. It didn't seem to affect me as much as it did at the beginning of our conversation and I was able to continue to focus on her. I noticed how she once again began to squeeze the edges of her book and wondered whether this was a nervous habit of hers.  
"I would like to hear it, if you would be willing to share?" To my relief she looked up again and spoke so quietly as if she didn't really want me to hear. Little did she know that I could hear her heart beating in her chest and the blinking of her eyes.  
"My mother got remarried."  
This was easy enough to understand - she didn't like the new husband or the new dynamics or he didn't like her. I nodded and smiled, observing as her mind took her somewhere else.  
"You know, no one has asked me that yet or really been interested in the answer." She continued, and I let her. It seemed like she struggled between not wanting to talk about it and needing to. "Phil travels a lot and wanted my mum by his side, but she wouldn't leave mine so I made it easier for her – for everyone."  
Her sadness hit me like a sledgehammer and made me sympathise once more with Jasper. I felt helpless weighed down by the strong emotion and I wanted nothing more than to use my strength to lift it off both of us. "But now you're unhappy." I remarked, suddenly desperate to see her smile.  
"So?" she replied, this time more like a statement than a question. In one word I was able to understand more about her than from every single one before it. She was both selfless and self-deprecatory. The way she saw the world was just like her painting – memories scattered between two worlds, yearning to be somewhere else but knowing her place was here, colours that could be so bright, yet played it safe and the lines blurred between fantasy, reality and disillusionment. It occurred to me that Bella had indicated already that she didn't like attention and would not want the spotlight shone on a topic that caused her distress. She didn't want an audience to her martyrdom.  
"Your drawing says a lot about you and I wouldn't change a thing about it." Just like that I changed the topic again, sensing that our conversation would have taken a darker turn if we had continued. Plus she was able to keep up with my inability to stay focused last time, maybe she'll surprise me again. Strangely her reaction to this was to laugh and I found myself laughing with her.  
"I don't understand" I admitted after a beat, keeping the smile on my face to let her know she didn't do anything wrong.  
"It just that you are very intuitive. You seem to know just what to say or when to change the subject. It's…refreshing…after weeks of 'Badger Bella'," She grumbled that last part, further emphasising her dislike of the stardom her novelty brought, "Thank you."  
As Bella gave her sincere Thanks, we locked eyes, the classroom disappearing –every sound and sight in the world but her. Then through the void, I could hear only one thing, thumping to an ever-increasing beat. I found myself focusing on her heat beat, trying to decipher the lyrics to its song. It was drawing me in slowly like the music of the pied piper and I could feel myself leaning toward her. She leant toward me too and I saw her frown ever so slightly, snapping me out of my trance. I could feel the heat emanating from her skin and the venom pooling in my mouth in response. I wanted keep the distance between us but I didn't want to appear rude either, undoing my good work. I tilted my head as subtly as possible toward the window in case I needed fresh air, letting the sun hit my face.  
"Your eyes!" Bella gasped making me jerk my head toward her faster than I should have and causing her to become alarmed and drop her sketchbook to the floor. She turned red and bent down to pick it up while I used the distraction to decide what I was going to do. I knew exactly what she had noticed about my eyes as the sun glinted off them and I didn't have a reasonable explanation. I had definitely reached my limit – her body temperature, her smell, her ability to be particularly observant had all become too much. I could not afford to be interested in her and she could not risk taking further interest in me.  
While she was still underneath the table I quietly and quickly slipped from my chair, gathering my things and headed toward the door, foreseeing that the teacher would not notice my absence among the chatter.  
As I closed the door I heard Bella begin to talk again before she noticed I wasn't there. I leant on the other side of the closed classroom door and sighed, as someone in the room behind me did the same thing.  
I walked down the silent corridor, feeling oddly alone before realising why. I couldn't _see _myself! My future was coming in and out of focus just like Bella's did. I could only see mundane things like getting changed before school or taking a shower or hunting but nothing in between! Panicking, I searched for my siblings futures but they were still there, going about their existence with each other – happy as always. I could see myself popping in and out of their lives so I knew that nothing life threatening was the cause. I continued to walk toward the car, in a complete daze, not noticing anything around me, scanning the future as much as possible.  
"Alice?" Someone whispered far away. I looked around and saw no one before my eyes settled on Emmett in a classroom across the courtyard – he had seen me through the window.  
"Nothing to worry about now. I'll tell you later." I responded knowing he could hear me just as easily as I could him.  
I reached the car and sat in it, trying to remain calm but internally I was screaming. I got lost in my visions, trying to spot myself in the futures of others.  
"Would you mind keeping down in there?" Lotti asked as she wrenched open the door, "I was so distracted I started speaking German in Spanish."  
_Sorry._ I thought glumly and started singing to myself to calm me down. Jasper approached rubbing his temples and as expected, I was so calm I couldn't remember what I was so anxious about.  
"Talk about mood swings!" he said as he made it to the car, "I've never felt someone go from such joy to complete dread as quickly before."  
"Joy?" I asked surprised  
"Catatonic?" Rose questioned as she too approached, hand in hand with Emmett.  
"Yes, joy. It's the first time I have felt you content since Bella arrived in Forks. I missed it." He answered honestly. "So what made you so happy?"  
I looked up to answer him and saw Bella making her way across the parking lot to her truck, her sketchbook under her arms, and a sad look on her face. I frowned too, wondering what had caused her to feel like that. I couldn't believe how much I cared about her after just one conversation. I had learnt so much about Bella and all I wanted was to know more. I recognised that the moment I started talking to her was the moment I had decided that I was going to get to know her, that I was going to spend time with her, and my future vanished - too tangled up in hers.  
"I think that answers my question!"  
With that everyone joined Charlotte and me inside the car and we left the school to really begin our day.


End file.
